Beginning of week 3- 268.8lbs.

I was down 3.2lbs. this week. Not bad. Still healthy but a little more than the average 1-2lbs. per week. I'll take it. I have to keep reminding myself that there are no quick fixes here..that this is going to take time and plenty of it. The human body is the most efficient and adaptive machine in the known universe. You do something enough times, it will do whatever you want as quickly and efficiently as possible. My body has mastered storing fat, it has perfected it over the course of 30 some-odd years. So I imagine it will take more than two weeks to teach it how to burn fat instead.

I was pretty proud of myself for Saturday night..went to the movies, just had water and maybe a handful of popcorn. Later went to Applebee's and while I had two beers I actually ate a spinach salad with grilled shrimp- and it was damned good. I'm going to order that again sometime! In any case...good stuff.

Back to the gym, and less food

I went back to the gym today after four days off due to needing to catch up on much-needed house duties, and rest. Yeah I have a pretty compact schedule. I did my usual hour on the elliptical and it felt pretty good, I wasn't tired at all like I thought I might be. I am starting to feel a little more energetic. Still not sure if I'm through it or not but I read that once your body kicks the sugar and you're through with the sugar withdrawal you have way more energy than you ever had before. So I'm hoping I'm through with the withdrawal, or at least coming out of the woods.

I've managed to avoid a big tasty pro-made birthday cake at work. I was rather proud of myself, it wasn't even that tempting. Of course I *wanted* it, but I sure as heck didn't *need* it. I really just wanted a taste. But I didn't have one, not after being offered a slice. I've found that people are very understanding if you say "I can't have" rather than "I don't want". "I don't want" makes it sound personal, like you're trying to hurt their feelings. "I can't have" makes it sound like you have a condition- like diabetes or allergies or something. And for me, it is that serious.

I've eaten less this past week than I think I ever have in my life- some apple slices for breakfast, a can of tuna or two for lunch, and a piece of chicken or soup for dinner. At first I thought I would starve and be really hungry but I drink a lot of water too, and so I really haven't been hungry at all. Matter of fact I had fixed a whole can of peas for myself last night at work to go with a chicken breast I had baked. I ate the chicken..and had about two, maybe three spoonfulls of peas- and I was done. I even let them sit on my desk in case I got hungry later. Nope. I maybe had a few spoonfulls more, and that was it. I came home and had another chicken breast and I was good. I think this is because without the sugar and refined carbs to artificially boost my insulin levels, I don't have that high/crash thing going on. It's amazing the effect sugar has on the body. So, I consider this a good thing. Perhaps this is the start of automatic portion control.

Beginning of Week 2- 272.0lbs

I managed to survive the weekend without blowing it. I even drove past McDonald's, which is my usual stop after a night in the city. I've been in a real shitty mood lately though. Depressed even. I think it may still be the sugar withdrawal (a couple of *weeks*? Really??), or it may be other things...or a combination. Who knows. I'm thinking I may have to put FAA on the back burner until I get more info. As great supportive as the meetings are, I think their food plan may be a little too restrictive for me. Their plan is crafted to eliminate the cravings that set people off on binges. Thus, the only artificial sweetener they allow is saccharin- which is horrible for you! I won't ingest saccharin if I can help it. Apparently the others, including stevia- are too much like real sugar and thus can set off a craving. Also, no nuts of any kind. And I love cashwews. Nuts are allowed on Dr. Gott's program, you just can't go all wild because they are high in fat (even if it is the good kind). Also on the FAA program there is no alcohol. At all. Sad face. So for now I will definitely stick with Dr. Gott. We shall see about FAA.

I don't get cravings, really. There are things I can do without. What I realized today is that for me food is about comfort, and that comfort comes from CONTROL. I can control food- I can have what I want, when I want it, how ever much of it I want. I believe it fills in for all of the things in my life I feel like I don't have control over. So food has been filling that gap for me. It is instant gratification. So it would seem I have to start learning how to take control over other aspects of my life. What is odd is not that I necessarily miss the taste of things like pizza, cake, cheeseburgers, or whatever else- I miss having the control of choice, of being able to HAVE it, of being able to exert control over something. I think of all of these food items like lost friends. I wave from far away.

I try not to think of how far away my goal is, how much time it will take. I'm so hooked on *now*. However I get a look at myself in the mirror when I wake up and ungh...I know I have to keep going. I pretty much hate myself. I feel..distorted. This body is no fun. However I guess penance is due. Everything tastes bland. I don't even like food anymore I think. Except cashews and water. Oh and I made some great chicken. I can only eat so much chicken though. We soldier on...

Sugar withdrawal- No joke!

So things had been going pretty well three days in. I'm keeping a food journal, getting in my water, and continue to hit the gym regularly. It very well may be an optical illusion but I think my stomach has gone down a little bit, which is not unusual when changing to healthy eating habits- you lose a lot of "water weight" as the junk begins to get flushed out of your system, and your sodium intake decreases. This is the secret to those "Hollywood 48 Hr." diets you seen on TV and on drug stores. So I was prepared for that.

What I *wasn't* prepared for was today..being headache-y, sluggish, irritable, and just feeling like crap all around. I really didn't get to bed that late so that didn't explain it. No allergies. I just knew that my body was not liking being deprived of all of the junk I had been feeding it before, and it was letting me know. Then it hit me- sugar withdraw? I googled it online and low and behold it is very, very real

Even on Weight Watchers, as long as whatever you are having is within the points range it's fine. So I have never had to face not having sugar before. So I will have to hang in there, and ride this one out.

Introduction

276.6lbs

Hello and welcome to my blog. While I primarily am using this just as a journal of sorts, it will be great to have others along for the ride.

So, about me...I have been overweight virtually my entire life. I have lost and gained the same 50lbs. over and over. I have attempted or been on every diet under the sun since I was 12 yrs. old. I have been on, from my memory (and not necessarily in order): The Beet diet, the Grapefruit diet, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, The Lemon Diet, Hydroxycut, and even hypnosis. My BMI is 42 which puts me in the "obese" column. I am 5'8", as of this posting 276.6lbs. I am African-American and have quite a rack. Which is great, except I am also- male. As of last Saturday I attended (online) my first Food Addicts Anonymous meeting. As of today, I started Dr. Gott's "No Sugar No Flour" diet- which I don't really consider a diet, but an actual change in eating habits. So what led me to this point, where I have joined a support group and a rather restrictive eating regimine?

What let me to this point was dodging a bullet. Not a literal one, of course. About a month ago, I had a really bad headache. I have high blood pressure and had an idea that maybe it was related. I wasn't taking my medication but I hate pills, and usually I pop three Excedrin and it goes away. I've *always* had headaches. However this one was different- It lasted for three days, and *nothing* was making it go away. I started to get scared. One day at work I decided I should go to the emergency room. I'm glad I did. I don't remember the exact numbers, but when they took my blood pressure I remember one of the numbers being in the 200's, the other in the 100's. Stroke-level basically, and at least five people in the hospital told me so- and that I was lucky. They ran the usual series of tests. Everything came back fine, thank God. No signs of diabetes even. I decided then and there that if I was going to live and have a decent quality of life, I had to lose the weight or die. Or even worse, be alive but not able to fully function- and it would be my own dumb fault. So that's the medical part.

The other reason- vanity, pure and simple. I've never been exactly proud of my "physique" but over the past couple of years I have absolutely hated the way I look. I was about 210 or so when I moved back out to NJ from Chicago. I have gone up steadily since. There is a mirror above my dresser, across from my bed, and I disgust myself. I hate the way I look in pictures. I try not to take them if possible. As you can imagine this does not bode well for the self-esteem. I am already short, which I can't change. The combination of short and obese...just not good. I'll go into some other things later but I absolutely do not take my shirt off in public, for any reason.

So today is Week 1, Day 1. I went shopping tonight- incredible how much stuff contains high amounts of sugar or is made from flour! I wound up getting steak, pork chops, lettuce, and ground turkey (lettuce wraps!), some seasonings, salad, and ginger dressing for the week. I made the jerk-spiced porkchops. ONE gram of sugar, from the seasoning, and I'm pretty sure I cooked that off. I was very proud of myself though I had an actual portion of a chop and rice. I had sausage for lunch. Just had water to drink all day, and did one hour on the elliptical at the gym. We're off to a good start. I have decided to make a change, to dedicate myself to losing weight and getting healthy. I know I have a long way to go and that it will not happen overnight. However thanks to FAA I am more focused, more determined, and more hopeful than I ever have been before. However, every journey like this starts off great. That's one of the reasons I started this blog- to help keep me accountable, even after I find a sponsor. :) I hope you enjoy the trip if you are riding along with me!